APPEARANCE 3

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.
 'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.'
 'OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch?'

Girls get the attitude, isn't it? check to confirm

First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? 
 Second girl: No, it's imagination.

APPEARANCE 2

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, 'I'll have a shave and a shoe shine.' The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, 
 firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
 The cowboy said, 'Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.' 
 She replied, 'I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. 
 The cowboy said, 'Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay you the difference.' 
 She said, 'You tell him. He is the one shaving you.'

APPEARANCE 1

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, 'Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
 It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.
 So, how are you getting there?'
 'We're taking TWA,' was the reply. 'We got a great rate!'
 'TWA?' exclaimed the barber. 'That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
 So, where are you staying in Rome?'
 'We'll be at the downtown International Marriott.'
 'That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?'
 'We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.'
 'That's rich,' laughed the barber. 'You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.'
 A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
 'It was wonderful,' explained the man, 'not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.
 And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!'
 'Well,' muttered the barber, 'I know you didn't get to see the pope.'
 'Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.'
 'Really?' asked the Barber. 'What'd he say?'
 He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?

LAGOSIANS here comes our law banning activities across the metropolis

Urges unemployed youths to access N25bn ETF. The Lagos State Government on Friday said that from July 1, 2016, it would commence a total enforcement against street trading and street hawkers, saying that the law banning their activities across the metropolis would take its full course. Speaking at a live interview session on Television Continental, the State Governor, Mr. Akinwunmi Ambode said that the renewed enforcement is in line with Section One of the Lagos State Street Trading and Illegal Market Prohibition Law 2003 which restricts street trading and hawking in the metropolis. The Governor, while sympathizing with the family of a street hawker who was knocked down by an articulated truck while trying to evade arrest from officials of Kick Against Indiscipline (KAI) along Maryland Bus stop on Wednesday, regretted that the situation led to the destruction of public assets. “It is not in our DNA to allow someone to just die by road accident or the way it happened in respect of the incident. But beyond the fact that we lost one person while crossing the road as a result of evading arrest by KAI officials, I need to tell Lagosians that over 49 buses were actually destroyed and it is costing us like almost N139 million to put those buses back on the road,” he said. Consequently, Governor Ambode said the State Executive Council has resolved to enforce the Law, which according to him makes both the hawker and the buyer liable of the offence. “The issue is we need to enforce our laws because we already have a law in respect of that and then there is a clause in it which says the buyer and the seller are both liable and that we are going to fine them either N90, 000 or a six month jail term. “What we are doing on traffic is that we are introducing new strategies to eliminate traffic but Lagos being a cosmopolitan city, you cannot totally eliminate it but now this is the case, in the next few days, you will see on the street of Lagos signs that will be warning you that buyers and hawkers should be aware that there are consequences,” Governor Ambode said. He said his administration has also concluded plans to roll out a massive campaign which would warn both motorists and hawkers of the restrictions and the penalty for defaulters. “We will be watching out for buyers and sellers and all we need is just scapegoat. Don’t buy plantain chips or any other item in traffic from July 1, buyers beware,” Governor Ambode warned. He said aside the environmental hazards associated with the activities of street traders and hawkers alike, they also pose great security and health risks. “A whole lot of people who are hawkers, when you check them, I understand from intelligence that there is a cartel. Some people buy fake products and then bring the products in and then give these boys to sell on the street and come back to make returns in the night. So, what I want to advise Lagosians is that most times when you think you are buying something of quality on the road, be rest assured that those things are fake product,” Governor Ambode said. He however said that much as the State Government intends to be civil in enforcing the law, some recalcitrant persons try to subvert the process, hence the need to ensure total compliance with the law. Asked what plans the Government has unemployed graduates who have taken to street hawking, Governor Ambode said that his administration has launched a N25billion Employment Trust Fund, urging them to access the fund. Governor Ambode while answering questions on future plans of his administration assured that greater attention would be given to the health and education sectors, while empowerment for the youth and elderly would also get the needed attention. “In the last eight years, while the immediate past Governor actually did a lot to improve on health, you will also see that what he provided is not even enough to cater for all the people coming into Lagos. “Now, this second year, I can tell you freely that we are facing majorly the health sector, education sector, the issue of elderly people and then the youths. We believe that in the next twelve months which we are starting from now, you will see a major escalation of the quality of the facilities we are going to provide in our hospitals,” the Governor said. SIGNED HABIB ARUNA CHIEF PRESS SECRETARY JULY 1, 2016 - See more at: http://www.naijaloaded.com.ng/2016/07/01/lagos-goes-tough-street-trading-hawking-says-buyers-sellers-liable-n90000-fine-six-months-jail-term/#sthash.gmFOXu3U.dpuf

Nigeria crude oil again

Following Nigeria’s increase in crude oil output to 1.9 million barrels per day (bpd), price of the commodity dropped more than three per cent yesterday, as traders booked profits at the end of the best quarter in seven years. The market soared more than 25 per cent in the second quarter, as part of an 85 per cent rebound since hitting 12-year low early this year, as unplanned production cuts from Canada to Nigeria eased the glut that prompted the worst price rout in a generation, Reuters stated. However, production in Nigeria has risen to about 1.9 million barrels per day (bpd) from 1.6 million, due to repairs and a lack of new major attacks on pipelines in the Delta region, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation said. Resurgent Nigerian supply will put pressure on prices, Goldman Sachs said, adding that outages caused by Canadian wildfires would virtually end by September. OPEC’s oil output rose in June to its highest in recent history, a Reuters’ survey showed, as Nigeria’s output partially recovers from militant attacks and Iran and Gulf members boost supplies. Brent futures for August delivery, which expired yesterday, settled down 93 cents, or 1.8 percent, at $49.68 a barrel. The more active Brent contract for September delivery settled at $49.71, down 3.1 percent. - See more at: http://www.naijaloaded.com.ng/2016/07/01/nigeria-forces-global-crude-oil-price-slump/#sthash.NbK2e9An.dpuf

About eight school girls expelled from school after the school management discovered they were pregnant.

Some school girls numbering about eight are being to pay for their sins after they were found out to have gotten pregnant. The eight girls from a school in Elgeyo-Marakwet, a county in Kenya, got pregnant while the school term was still on. They were consequently expelled after the school management discovered they had taken in. Moi Girls Kapsowar High School in Elgeyo-Marakwet county expelled the girls on grounds that they are likely to pull down the school’s mean grade. Among them are three form four candidates who are also said to have been de-registered by the school for fear that they will affect its performance in this year’s national examinations. The parents have expressed their disappointment as their plans secure a bright future for their children has been dashed. The parents also complain that all efforts to get admission for the girls in another school has been futile as the old school has refused to give them a recommendation letter Speaking to news men one the parents said, “We are really disheartened that our children’s future has been destroyed, even after bending over backwards to pay their school fees. It is so sad that our children who we bank on as future leaders and development agents are predisposed to early pregnancies and marriages,” The parents now want authorities to step in and help them nab the culprits who are the fathers of the unborn babies. The girls were taken to a local health centre for additional medical examination and to obtain P3 forms, as police begin investigations into the issue.